Tuesday, 1 April 2014

50 Shades of Awkward and about 20 Shades of Ew in S/mileage's 'Mystery Night'

As always, my thoughts and opinions are totally my own. I do not expect everyone to agree with me, nor do I voice the opinions of others and expect you to think it is right or wrong. I will think and say what I feel, and I hope you do the same for yourselves. Do not let others obscure your views or believe that you should keep what you feel hidden; our opinions form us for the better, they make us who we are. Who is to say that you should keep quiet because they disagree with you?

Jesus Christ... I think I may need alcohol to get me through this. Now, where's that bottle I stashed away...?

Okay, maybe I am exaggerating a little bit on the whole alcohol thing, but in all honesty I am a little scared to watch this MV. Why? Er, because it's S/mileage. In clothing suited more for a Lady of the Night, not a group of toddlers who shriek down a microphone. Yes yes, most are over the age of 15, I get it, but they look (and generally act) like kids, so I'm going to call them children because hey! That's how we view them, and that is how they genuinely look.

... Ooooh I am rather frightened to see this MV. If only I had alcohol to prepare myself for the Nightmare that may ensue...

If you haven't guessed, I have yet to actually watch this PV. In fact, this review will be the first time viewing it, meaning that this is a Caption then Review sorta post. I watch it, caption, state my horrors/fears, and then move on to caption all over again. Kinda like reacting to a video via camera, except it is via words and screen caps. You get the general gist of it all (I hope).

Anyway, it's time to stop stalling and finally take a look at the PV I have been dreading to view since the full version was uploaded - this is the video you either like or hate with a passion, and a video that truly has me wondering if I will ever see S/mileage the same way again. It is a mystery, but hey! I gotta watch it at some point, so why not tonight? Yes, it is time for Mystery Night!

... Please hold me ; A;

Oh geebus, I'm already quivering in my boots (er... shoes) and it's only the opening credits! So ominous, so eerie!


Judging by her neck-piece, Dawa is the Submissive in this PV, yes?

... Or is it Nyon? Though she looks more like a Dominatrix more than anything...

Kanananananananana has had lip injections just for this PV, I see.

Take-sama is the Lady of the Manor, riding crop in hand, boot on a Servant's head and cuffs in the other palm. I can just see it now!


Camera-san: "Quick, let's unfocus the lens so that no one sees her! Yeah, that'll work!"
Director-san: "Nice work there, Cameraman, she finally looks appealing!"
Rinapuu Fans: *Crying* "WHY DO THEY HATE MY RINAPUU!?!?!?"

Vampire: "Help me... they're trying to... to age me..." -sobs-

Jesus, MeiMei looks uncomfortable o-o

Oh look, a flailing arm shot... now, where I have seen this before...?

What a flail on the Chreographers behalf, ayyyye?

An Unwanted Cleavage shot attacks! ARRRRRGH!!! -pours bleach into my eyes-

The amount of uninterest in their faces is rather high. Also, what the fuck is up with this dance move? It's like a drunk Irish jig mixed with a bit of Egyptian dancing...

Meimi: "Eew, dog shit on my shoe..."
Kanananana: "I feel like Cleopatra."

Dawa: "Just a few dozen spritzes of this Chanel No. 5 ought to do it! Ahhh, I can barely smell the air, just how I like it!!!"

Dawa could totally pull of the whole 'Lady of the Manor' vibe too. Where is her Red Room of Pain?

Take-sama: "I look at their asses instead."


... Meimei, they aren't the good men, I assure you. They only have one thing on their mind, and it ain't to play My Little Pony or watch some Disney with you.

Is it bad that I anticipate some bedraggled, lust-driven man to come lumbering out of that door, a lady of the night soon following and taking the money off him?

Covetous; inordinately or wrongly desirous of wealth or possessions; greedy; eagerly desirous

... The location of this entire PV looks rather seedy and rather, er... fitting of the clothing they wear, if you ask me.

Oh Jesus Christ, Take-sama, put some clothes on!

... That ain't holding he's going to be wanting tonight, Dawa.

WAIT, is this reading the way I think its reading? I don't know!!!

Awkward silhouettes, but HEY! At least I don't have to look at them trying (key word: trying) to act sexy!

Ooookay, this just got fucking weird... o-O

Dawa: "I like it from behind, Rinapuu."

Nyon: "The fuck are you saying, Rinapuu!?"

Oh dear LORD, I want to cry at these lyrics! And not because they're beautiful or whatever, either!!!

Meimei: "... Please save me..."

That girls looks like she's permanently crying in this video. I wonder why...

... I hate to say it, but sadly, Take-sama is the only one who suits this look. WHY!? WHY GOD, WHY!?

Oh look, a decent shot of Rinapuu! -PrtSc-

... Are you fucking kidding me? -head to desk... HARD-

Ew ew ew ew ew STOP THAT!!!

Love making 'love' or Heart-felt, pure love? I go with the former for this song, dear.

It's like an awkward Charlie's Angels scenario...

Lesbian Love-fest!!!

Oh my... Dawa, stop trying to sexy, it's not gonna happen. Don't try and make sexy happen!

Meimei: "Oh God oh God oh God, ew ew ew ew ewwww lady parts, ewwwww!!!"

Well, this is awkward...

... I'm kind of questioning if this is reality or just some sordid wet dream of a S/mileage fan made into a video via photoshop, some dancers and super-imposed faces of the members.

... I have no words...

... Please don't dance like this all night. Or ever again, for that matter.

Look at that boredom on Kanananananana and Dawa's faces. So invested. So enjoy. Yeah.

I love you and all, Kananananana, but NO!

Meimei: "Erm, Nyon... er, can you like, er, stop touching me and unzipping my dress?"
Nyon: "Shut-up Meimi, Senapi's concentrating here!"

Praying ain't gonna save you from this awkward mess, S/mileage.

... It's ended? Oh, thank God! Now I can go back to bleaching my eyes out!

Okay, this video... what can I say about this video upon viewing, other than, er... awkward? And with lyrics that actually fit the clothes they wear? And also, awkward? Have I mentioned that this video is slightly awkward?

The fact that it makes me feel just as uncomfortable as Hadaka no Hadaka no Hadaka no Kiss did kinda sums up my feelings towards this video right now, with a little bit of 'ew ew ewwwwwww' thrown in there when I think about that, er, interesting dance sequence that was choreographed for this charming little PV. So yeah... feelin' kinda weirded out right now, especially considering it's S/mileage. Juice=Juice I can kinda handle, as they were given a mature (but still innocent) image from the get-go, and Hadaka no x3 Kiss was still moderate in comparison to what this is, but... well, what am I supposed to feel towards this other than a slight sense of disgust!?

I mean, it's not the clothes or the lyrics (okay, a little of the lyrics) that creep me out or anything, it's more that dance! The clothes I can handle, in fact they're quite cute in a sense if a little far too fitting for the song and its lyrics, but the choreography itself!? This isn't something that S/mileage (especially S/mileage) should be doing! C-ute, yes, but S/mileage? Okay, I can't say they shouldn't do it, because it's up to whomever is directing the video to see how it is created, but as a group... well, they're barely capable of pulling it off, aren't they? It just screams 'awkward' and out of place. For a long time they have been a group about cuteness and smiles and sweet, fluffy weirdness.

And now they're... well, I don't what direction they're going in, but it's definitely a direction that freaks me out a little, and makes me question whatever Tsunku or whoever is directing their style in music and image is thinking.

Again, it's mostly all about the choreography in this sense, because (in my opinion entirely) it looks rather tasteless, uncomfortable for the girls and too awkward and out of character. I mean, we've always seen S/mileage under this innocent light until Ee ka!? I guess, and even then Ee ka!? kept that bouncy cuteness going on around the group to keep the fans under the influence that they were still this sweet, lovely group who would never grow up and stay mad and fluffy forever more. Even Atarashii Watashi ni Nare had elements to it that kept it in line with the whole 'sweet and funny' image that S/mileage totes, despite the mature look and feel of the song, so to suddenly throw out a really awkward, 'sexy' video that tries to portray a grown-up, adulterous version of S/mileage is a bit too sudden, and rather weird to say the least. In a way, for me, it is unwanted. I can't say much for anyone else, because for all I know this could be a God-Send to many people, or Hell on Earth to others. Who knows?

Well okay, I know people are half-and-half on the matter concerning this video; some people find that fans are fussing too much and don't think it's as bad as others think, whilst other people are finding it a tad too much, just like me. If we had (somehow) been weaned into the idea of a sexier S/mileage, without the funky Dinosaur hand-jive or the bouncy cuteness in Ee ka!?, then I think the process of getting us into a sexier, adulterous S/mileage would have been more effective and a lot more welcomed - but it wasn't, because this video doesn't include the cuteness we're used to seeing with the 'sexier' side to it, we were just thrown right into the deep end with Mystery Night, whilst being trowled a plateful of awkward to boot. This isn't C-ute or, and dare I say it, Berryz (oh Lord), so you can't just suddenly up and force a new image onto a group that already has a strong look to them that is not flirty, not sexy or mature, but instead cute and weird and fun - it does not work like that. Groups like C-ute or Berryz, who have proven to be flexible in how they look (mostly C-ute) and the vibe they can pull off are fine interchanging their image, but S/mileage are not. They are too adorable and too in-your-face to try this sort of thing, and now that it has clearly happened (mores the pity) it just seems off and out of place.

The video, in all respect, is well made and I like the solo shots and the costumes themselves, but the dance and the idea behind the lyrics if the awkward part of Mystery Night. I see that S/mileage are trying to be sold in a more serious, mature light because the other groups all have their thing going on right about now, but it simply does not work for this group specifically; yes, they are at an age where they can sing or dance in such a way, but it doesn't mean it suits them or that they should continue doing it; that's kind of like me dressing the way I do normally one day and then suddenly coming downstairs in leather boots, a bustier and spandex hot-pants the next as my new 'image' whilst expecting no one to question it or expecting them to say it suits me when in reality, it is nothing like me. It's the same with S/mileage; this is not their typical image, and it's a big shock to see them go from bouncy, flouncy cute girls to, well... whatever they are now.

It's weird, and it will take some getting used to, but other than the dance I don't mind the video for Mystery Night, however it looks uncomfortable for all the girls and just plain awkward. Meimei does not suit this environment at all, in fact I swear she looks like she wants to burst into tears every time I see her on-screen, and Dawa seems a bit out of it, but yeah... it's okay, but it's definitely not the style I can see S/mileage continuing to pursue as an image... or at least, I hope they don't.

As for the song, I like it. It sounds very much like what Morning Musume would do as opposed to S/mileage, but I do enjoy it more than I do the video itself. The mixers just need to learn to give the better singers the lines and give Dawa one or two lines alongside Kanananananana and Rinapuu. But yeah, it's good and I can see myself listening to it more and more... it's quite addictive!

... Yeah, I'm done.

I wish I had drunk that alcohol now... -head desks-



You can buy S/mileage's Mystery Night / Eighteen Emotion on CDJapan now!

1 comment:

  1. I think you would like Eighteen Emotion more since its the S/mileage we all know and love. I'm happy that they are actually trying something new and i applaud them for it.