After some thought, I have decided to put Okay! Musume Time into hibernation mode. How long it will last, may it be a month or longer, I don't know, but during this time away I want to try and put things into perspective.
Lately I have been stressed, to a point where it has affected my work life. I have stayed up late and performed badly at work, become irate and anxious, and until very recently, I wasn't aware of why I was like this. Then, as I was working on my Christmas and Year End ranking posts, I realised that the stress I am under is something that I have pushed onto myself, all for the sake of my blog.
This blog is supposed to be a happy place, one that relaxes and delights me. However, one of my shortcomings is that I push myself too hard to meet my own expectations, and I slowly exhaust myself and grow anxious that everything I do is never good enough. Because of that, I have been losing sleep in order to maintain the blog and keep monthly posts up, thinking that it's for the best and that it will make me happier. Instead it has left me tired and worrisome, and my anxiety has risen because I think I am not writing or posting as much as I should be.
Publishing reviews about Idols does make me happy, and I feel so content when I see the comments and support you provide. However, this lifestyle I have created for myself is not healthy, and it's beginning to affect my personal and work life, too. So, in order to balance myself and to improve my frame of mind, it's time for me to take a step back from Okay! Musume Time, and rest.
This is a decision I have been thinking about for a while now, but until today, I hadn't implemented my blogs hibernation. I'm sorry that I am doing this so suddenly, especially when I planned to write up my final two Year End posts, but right now, I can't. I just don't feel like I can post any more at this time.
Because I don't want to hate blogging or writing about Idols, this period of hibernation will be for the best. I cannot live a life where I worry because I think the post count is not high enough, or because I am scared my posts are terrible. I don't want to cry because I can't provide a post that I really wanted to do, or become stressed at work because I am only thinking of this blog.
I will still be writing on Selective Hearing, and hopefully JaME, but the writing on those sites is so much less stressful, for the fact that the sites do not solely rely on me to provide content. So, whilst I am away from here, I hope that you can look forward to future posts from me on those sites.
Someday soon, I hope to see you all again. You are my dear Readers, and I am going to miss you so much. Thank you for everything.
Until the next post, whenever that may be.
Take care, and love your Idols.