... Yeah, I really have no clue what to say in this situation, so instead I chose something completely Chiima-like to say, but also a phrase that I actually think is really befitting of how I feel right now as I write on this blog. It truly does feel like I am home, and that you are my Honey, waiting patiently for me... yes, this is how I truly feel right now, however sappy it may be!
So yeah... here I am again, back at the Forte. My forte. It is such an exhilarating, exciting feeling to be back here, writing again. When I published my Digest just before I started writing this post out, I felt that sudden rush of nerves, happiness and pure joy all rolled into one that I usually feel before posting something I have written that I am proud of, but this time it was a feeling of posting again after a long time, returning to something I enjoy... and it was amazing to feel that way, to be excited about coming back to blogging and sharing my thoughts and feelings with everyone again. It is amazing to experience that happiness and rush of love for writing because it means that I truly did miss it, and that I am ready to go again!!!!
My love for writing and sharing things with everyone who reads this blog is indescribable, so I can only express through limited words how I feel right now... but really, my feelings are greater than what I say!
So before I elaborate on what has happened during my break and how I feel now, I would like to thank everyone who wished me well during my break. I was very happy to receive the beautiful comments that you all gave me and the great support you showed, though reading them made me sad that I had decided to take a break so suddenly, but I knew it had to happen... and I am really glad that I did decide on the break when I did.
So, regarding my break... well, it was nice to be able to focus on other things and relax if I am honest with you. Whilst I don't find my blog to be overly stressful, or any of the other blogs I work on for that matter, I was grateful that I chose to stop and take a break when I did. There were days just after I announced my Hiatus where I was extremely stressed and just wanted to cry or do nothing due to frustration, and right now I realise how helpful it was to have stopped when I did in terms of writing because I did not have to think 'I need to write now' or 'I need to make a Digest and update it today'. It was nice to know that I did not need to try and push myself to focus on writing or to even go online at all.
After my initial stress and frustration passed (it didn't take long, I assure you!) I just relaxed and looked online for jobs, as well as watched Idol videos or played with my niece. I also went to stay with my friend who I now visit regularly, which helped me to de-stress a lot more and changed my pace and environment as well. During this time at my friends, I actually got a call from my former boss, and long story short, I actually have a Saturday job with the store I worked at before again. So that is one stress down, though I will probably look for another job at some point if I feel I need to. That said, I am happy with a simple Saturday job as I do intend to go to University soon, and also because where I work is close to where I live... and I kind of live out of the way, so a town job is a bit more difficult to get to, so I am rather happy with what I have right now.
With that said, I do still get stressed, but that's completely normal; I have always been the sort of person who stresses easily, but I have calmed down a lot during my break. Again, I am very thankful that I left for a break at the time I did, it has helped me a lot and just allowed me to ease my mind and body.
That, and it was nice to do something a bit different to what I usually do! (Though I basically didn't do much other than go out and spend time with my niece haha!)
Though to say I didn't write during my break would be a lie, because I did. I just wrote fanfiction, not reviews, and it was refreshing to go back to that style of writing. I haven't written fanfiction for a good while, so to go back to 'another world' filled with characters who aren't, well, me, was pretty fun and just let my mind escape more. I like fanfiction and story writing, so to return to my roots in writing was a great experience, and yes, it relaxed me!
At some point during my break, I won't deny that I had thoughts of 'what if I don't return?', because I did. But every time I even thought about never returning to blogging, I felt sad. I love blogging here and sharing my thoughts and opinions, and I love you guys a lot as well. I may not always return your comments or answer what you send, but I think greatly of everyone and could not imagine quitting this blog. Of course I didn't know when I would return at all either, but I knew that I wouldn't just leave... writing is fun, I love it, and I can't imagine living without it. It is the reason why I was born I think! Well... other than to love Idols, that is ;)
Actually, it was last week when I felt the desire to return to blogging. I was feeling happier with myself again, which is an amazing feeling of course, and I just suddenly felt like I wanted to write and talk about Idols again. Then this week, I decided that I would return to blogging, because I knew that if I didn't do it soon, I would keep postponing when I would write again, until eventually it just never happened. I was originally going to post my Digest this Wednesday but due to being tired and not finishing my Digest, I decided it would happen today (Thursday), which is also my fathers Birthday.
Ironically enough, I chose to start my break on January 17th, my nieces birthday. Major coincidence, but a fun coincidence!
Now, where was I... Oh yeah, postponing and such... yeah, I decided to return this week rather than any other week, because again, if I didn't return now it would not happen until much later, or I would never return. Before I returned though, I decided to revamp Okay! Musume Time for a fresh start and a new feeling, which was actually really exciting! Ever since I started this blog, I have used the same format, I just changed the colours and banners, so to use a new format instead was a rather scary experience because I didn't know how it looked, but now that I have changed O!MT, I really love it and this new look and feel to the blog aided me in wanting to write more and to return. It made that desire stronger, something just a simple banner change could not do.
To say I am extremely pleased with how the blog looks now is an understatement... I kind of love it. A lot. Which sounds like I am tooting my own horn, but who cares! I am glad that I changed it from what it used to be, because right now it truly feels refreshing and new, and that was what I wanted when I changed it.
I am feeling so much happier now, and I am thankful that everyone was fine with me taking a break and understanding that I truly needed it. Being away has helped me a lot as you all know now, and I am feeling at ease and have peace in my mind which I am extremely happy about.
Now I am ready to return to my re-built Forte and write again. It is so exciting to be back, and I can't wait to get back into my reviews and talk to you all again! Thank you for everything. I love you all!!!!
Much Love and Happiness,